What’s a Parent To Do?
A former colleague of mine wrote a series of essays called What’s a Parent To Do? for a monthly school newsletter. They were lighthearted pieces that spoke to the trials and tribulations of parenting school-aged children. David had a remarkable way of offering advice without claiming expertise or moral high-ground. As a parent myself, I think a lot about my decisions and the ones my wife and I made when our children were much younger. I was one of “those parents” who called before my kids went to parties, resisted the lure of a cell phone for my daughter at age eleven, and agonized over whether I was doing the right thing. To top it all off, I was the head of their school. Next time your kids complain about you, you can always say, “At least I am not the head of your school.” I couldn’t.
While we are in unprecedented times, parenting is just as complicated, thrilling, and terrifying as it has always been. One thing that has changed is the volume of solicited and unsolicited advice that can overwhelm our sense of confidence and our sense of community. When my daughter and son were born, we relied on the advice of a few close friends, our pediatrician, and our parents. What to Expect When You’re Expecting was our go-to source, although when my wife read that eating a bagel should be considered a splurge, we decided to take its advice in moderation. Today, everyone seems to have an opinion about everything, informed or not, and unsolicited advice abounds. So, what’s a parent to do?
I don’t claim any expertise with my parenting skills, and I made plenty of mistakes. I needed reminding not to race home between meetings to grab my daughter’s homework off of the kitchen table, to ‘cheer, don’t coach’ during my kids' games, and to resist searching campus late at night for my son’s backpack when he had inexplicably forgotten it. If I could sleep through the night with an approach in mind, I felt that I was on the right track. I also learned to listen more closely to those I trusted than those I was seeking affirmation. Over these past months, I have often wondered about what thoughts David would have shared. My guess is that he would have marveled at how parents have tapped their inner teacher in heroic ways, reminded us about our children’s resiliency, and challenged us, gently, to see how much we really know when we trust ourselves.
Be well,
JWB
While we are in unprecedented times, parenting is just as complicated, thrilling, and terrifying as it has always been. One thing that has changed is the volume of solicited and unsolicited advice that can overwhelm our sense of confidence and our sense of community. When my daughter and son were born, we relied on the advice of a few close friends, our pediatrician, and our parents. What to Expect When You’re Expecting was our go-to source, although when my wife read that eating a bagel should be considered a splurge, we decided to take its advice in moderation. Today, everyone seems to have an opinion about everything, informed or not, and unsolicited advice abounds. So, what’s a parent to do?
I don’t claim any expertise with my parenting skills, and I made plenty of mistakes. I needed reminding not to race home between meetings to grab my daughter’s homework off of the kitchen table, to ‘cheer, don’t coach’ during my kids' games, and to resist searching campus late at night for my son’s backpack when he had inexplicably forgotten it. If I could sleep through the night with an approach in mind, I felt that I was on the right track. I also learned to listen more closely to those I trusted than those I was seeking affirmation. Over these past months, I have often wondered about what thoughts David would have shared. My guess is that he would have marveled at how parents have tapped their inner teacher in heroic ways, reminded us about our children’s resiliency, and challenged us, gently, to see how much we really know when we trust ourselves.
Be well,
JWB
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