Holding On & Letting Go

A few months ago, our son called to say he had sent us a package and wanted us to call when it arrived. It seemed a little suspect, but our son likes surprises, so we indulged him. Standing in the kitchen, we opened the package and found a Red Sox onesie. If you've read any of these blogs in the past, you know that I am a rabid Red Sox fan. More importantly, we learned that day our son would become a father, and we would become grandparents.

It took me some time to process the whole thing, let alone to speak. The tears welling up behind my eyes flowed with utter joy. Since then, I've thought a lot about what advice to give my son. What is it like to be a dad? How has it changed me and the way I see myself and the world? I wondered if I should share with him what my mother-in-law told me after our daughter, Emma, was born: ‘You will never sleep the same again, ever.’ I've done my best not to give too much advice, yet when I can’t help myself, I tell him that he will be a great dad and to trust his instincts. 

With the first days of school on the horizon, I have been thinking about how we can support our children as they start something new. Over the years, I’ve made some good decisions and some not-so-good ones. Early on, I wanted to tell them how I managed everything—the playground, friendships, homework, sports. You name it, I had thoughts! I quickly learned my lesson and let them experience it for themselves…most of the time. 

They will make mistakes, fall at the playground, come home sad, and sometimes let you know they had “the best day of their whole life!” even when they are only five. Hold all of those moments; they are shaping you, too. You are also going back to school.

Of course, parenting is a balancing act. Our children need to know we are there for them, always. At the same time, we don’t want to jump in so quickly that we send the message that they aren't capable of navigating challenges on their own. They need to learn the power of resilience, which can only be gained through experience. Prepare our child for the path, not the path for the child.

The first day of school is upon us, and a wild and glorious ride begins again. So to every parent watching their kid walk through those school doors this month—and to a future grandfather—take a deep breath. They’re ready. And deep down, so are we.

JWB